I have a friend who just had her fifth baby (her oldest
is seven). Her husband is currently deployed and she is still recovering from a c-section.
Today she was watching one of our friend’s daughters and I went to pick up the
little girl from her house. As soon as I walked in, my friend could see in my
eyes that I was having a difficult time so without hesitating, she wrapped her arms around me and
told me that it was going to be okay. After talking for a little bit, she told me she wasn't going to let me take our friend’s daughter
because I needed to go get myself some lunch and have “me time.” This friend
doesn’t take no for an answer (she never has) so I went on my way, telling her
that I’d only leave if she let me bring her back some food.
I did get the food. But I also got a call from the
therapy program that we are trying to get Ethan into, letting us know that there had been a mistake with the referral and that it was being denied by our healthcare. Almost immediately after, I got a second phone call from the insurance office
telling me that they haven’t received all the necessary paperwork they need to
get this therapy covered. Not the phone call I needed today. I spent every
single day last week at the hospital for appointments and paperwork and
meetings just to keep getting sent to a different office because no one felt like taking the time to just help us. I am not a fighter by nature. I don’t
like fighting. I don’t like demanding. I don’t like causing a scene. I have had
many people over the past few months tell me that I need to “get good at it”
because life with a special needs child is all about fighting and advocating.
Is it REALLY? It honestly breaks my heart to hear them say this. Why should I
have to fight so hard for my son to be given the help he needs? Why are these
children being put on the back burner when they are our future? I realize that
autism wasn’t as prevalent back when most of these doctors were in school and were just
starting their careers. But the most recent data [according to the CDC] estimates that 1 in 68 children (and 1 in 42 boys) has been identified with autism spectrum
disorder. These children won’t stay children. In 20 years, 1 in 68 ADULTS (if
not more) will fall under that ASD umbrella and if we don’t get these children the help they need, what will happen? Where will they go? Where will they work?
How will they become contributing members of society? I have spent the last year of my life
fighting and fighting and fighting just for Ethan’s diagnosis. Without the
official diagnosis, Ethan wasn’t eligible for the intensive therapy that he
needs in order to progress and have a chance at attending mainstream school in
the future. No, it didn’t take the doctor a year to realize that he is autistic.
It took the doctor a year to see us and to get us the diagnostic evaluations necessary to be able to tell us what we had already known for a long time. But
finally, after that long and painful year, we finally have the diagnosis. And now
a whole new fight begins. Now we fight our insurance and we fight our military
providers and we fight more waitlists to get him enrolled in these programs.
Some days I feel like I have no fight left in me. Today was one of those days. But
the Lord knew that I was tired and that I needed an angel to wrap their arms
around me and tell me everything was going to be okay. So He sent my friend
Kristen.
A few hours after I had left her house, I delivered Kristen her
lunch that I had promised. Never mind the fact that it was now dinner time. I
pulled up to her house and walked past her *YARD OF THE MONTH* sign that she
seems to win every single month (did I mention she just had her fifth baby?). Yes,
Kristen is a rock star. I walked up to her door and let myself in because our
other friend was over and there’s no way that anyone would hear me knocking
over 9 children. I handed Kristen her overdue lunch and she handed me dinner
and dessert that she made for my family. I don’t know how she does it. I don’t
know where she finds it in her to not only take care of herself and her five
children and her deployed husband, but so many of those around her as well. But
what I do know is that the Lord is mindful of each and every one of our needs
and He used Kristen to do His work today... To comfort and strengthen and nourish
me. One of my favorite quotes by President Thomas S. Monson reads “We are the
Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His
children.” Today that was Kristen. Tomorrow, that will be me. Because as much
as I feel like I am drowning in my own issues on days like today, I have witnessed
firsthand how healing (and necessary) it is to shift your focus from your own problems to
someone else who needs their burden lifted...
I am so grateful that my friend
Kristen reminded me of that today.
